The Feminist Question, Part I

"Feminism" is a dangerous and dirty word. My boss last week told me that his 12-year-old son asked what a feminist was. Part of his explanation was that "a feminist won't let a man hold the door open for her." Whaaa?????



I have to deal with alot of men. Both in my job and at home. Most of the men that I consider (or considered) to be superiors, or role models, or just people whose opinion I trusted, have at some point said something to me that let me know they did NOT consider men and women equal.



Women don't make good managers. Women are too emotional. A woman could never be President. It's always qualified: "not YOU, but other women." My point, conversely, is, that's what all the other men are saying to all of the other women. And frankly my dear, if women ran the world things would not be the cluster*uck they are now. You think egos and hot heads are a recipe for peace?




When I first became an attorney, my boss sat me down and told me that I should not spend my career "trying to act like a man." To illustrate his point, he used a female attorney that I had been dealing with as an example. She was aggressive and antagonistic, a real bona fide bitch. I don't think anyone, man or woman, should act the way this woman did. But his only point was that she was trying to play the man's game like a man. Be sweet and nice and don't ruffle any feathers and you'll be better off. I was very disheartened and disappointed. I came to the sad realization that a lot of people including liberals (how are you liberal if you can't embrace change??) and, the worst, other women, are anti-woman.



I consider myself a feminist. On a basic level, it means that women are equal and should be treated as such. Fairly simple concept, at least to me. On a personal level, what it means to me is that I can do anything you can do, Fred. I can fight in a war, if I so choose. I can be a construction worker. I can be a mechanic. I can be the President. I can be anything. That is the beginning and the end of what feminism means to me. It doesn't mean that I'm offended when a man opens the door for me or that I am a combat-boot wearing militant. It means is that I, and every other woman out there, is just as intelligent and capable as any man. Moreso, it means that I should not be denied opportunities simply because I am female.



But society does not agree. I suppose its natural, women haven't even had the right to vote for a whole 100 years yet. Women were considered property longer than slaves. Only twenty five years ago a judge I know was one of only three women in her law school class, and was harassed on daily basis for her entire term there. Our society seems to take hundreds of years to evolve past prejudices, racial and gender-based alike. Women are not even a true "minority" as we're half of the population, but we're still more underrepresented than any other group.




Feminism IS a dirty word. People don't like to hear it and look at you differently if you've branded yourself with that term. My question is, why? Is it simply that we've all grown up in a society that has very different gender roles for men and women, and people are uncomfortable when you question those roles? Can one be a woman and intelligent and strong at the same time? Does agressive=manly and submissive=feminine? I know what I mean when I say I'm a feminist, but others do not. That is what scares me.